Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
