so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
