He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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