Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want her autograph on my taint
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
