her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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