All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
even my farts smell like vagina
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
