So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
