I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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