I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
