i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
