So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
