Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize