So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
