worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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