whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
