Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
