My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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