end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
