That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
