Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
