try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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