Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
