i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
