Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
smell my finger.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize