Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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