how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
