i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
