just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
