watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
