At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
