When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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