Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
