My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
