You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
