whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
