Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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