We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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