I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
