Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
