i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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