Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
