it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
