It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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