if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
