This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
