it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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