Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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