The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
