Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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