I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
