Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
