It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
