So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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