cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
