My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
