I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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