He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
