I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
