He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
