that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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