Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
