but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize