sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
