Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
