I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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