Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
