I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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