she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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