grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
