im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
