it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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