wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
