My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
