Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my vag is so smooth its legendary
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
