I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
