Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me i tasted like america
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
