I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
