Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think my fart just growled at me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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