i just had sex bonerless
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize