i already hear my dad disowning me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
