guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
