Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
