My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
