i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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